Who knew that being a mother would be the biggest challenge of my testimony? It’s hard to feel the spirit at church when I am also being a parent. This distraction is monumental. And because of it, I usually take the easy way out and go home, or find any reason not to attend church. For me, GOING to church was so important…bet yet, so frustrating. I’ve been on about a 4 year hiatus of “regular” church attendance. You know it’s bad when people ask…are you new in the ward? No, I’ve lived here for 4 years, thanks!
My 2012 New Year’s resolution was to attend all THREE hours of church. I know…for some of you, you are shaking your head…but for me, this is a really big deal. So far, I’m doing fairly well. The problem…I remembered why I don’t go to all three hours. IT’S HARD!! I’m a perfectionist with adult A.D.D which means being a Mormon working mother is the reason I get daily tension headaches.
Mormons are constantly STRIVING for perfection. Well, for perfectionists, the constantly striving part seems to set us a whirl. There are many Sundays I come home from church not feeling uplifted but feeling like I should jump off a building. The Mormon culture makes me feel inadequate.
Nurture your children! Don’t go into debt! Have family home evening! Have smart healthy kids! Say your prayers! Read your scriptures! Go to church! Food storage! Fulfill your calling! Visit teach! Have a clean home! Get educated! Go to bed early! Exercise! Etc, Etc, Etc!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Since I can’t have a glass of wine, drink a beer or smoke something to take me off the edge, here’s what I do: I know that Heavenly Father is also a perfectionist and is patient and understanding. But the MOST important thing…he made me and understands my craziness and for that, I can sleep at night and also have a testimony.