“For all sad words of tongue and pen, the saddest are these, ‘It might have been’.” – John Greenleaf Whittier, American poet.

Former President Bill Clinton told a group of reporters this week that he once investigated the Mormon religion when he was a young man in Hot Springs, Arkansas. Clinton said he “admires the church for its high ethical standards and belief in a celestial kingdom” but said the idea of being in heaven without his non-Mormon friends was too much too give up. Although most believe his real sticking point was when he found out that the church no longer practices polygamy.

Assuming that this event happened sometime in Bill Clinton’s early 20’s, I would just like to tell all the missionaries that served in Arkansas in the mid to late-1960’s, thanks for letting me down. Just think of how cool it would have been to have Bill Clinton as a member. I’m sure he would have made a great bishop, perhaps even a stake president. And we know that he would have converted Hillary as well. Heck, if we would have gotten him, I’m pretty sure Chelsea would be married to Nathan Osmond today. Thanks a lot missionaries for taking this away from us. How great would have been all of our joy.

But Clinton’s revelation this week that he almost gave up burgers and cigars for green jello and home teaching  has me thinking about other what-could-have-beens.

For example, we almost were able to hear “do you mind saying the closing prayer brother Presley.” That’s right, we almost got Elvis Presley too.  The story goes that a sister missionary named Cricket Butler (a perfect romance novel heroine name) gave a Book of Mormon to Elvis. He read it and even made some notes in the margins. Two days after Elvis’ death, his father gave the book back to her. She then gave the book to Alan Osmond, telling him that Elvis always talked about the Osmonds and respected them. The Osmonds then donated the book to the LDS church, which now keeps the book in the church’s archives. Oh, and by the way, Sister Butler also claims that Elvis said he wanted to be baptized. Just think of what a great member of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir he would have made.

Here’s another one…just think of how “The Voice” would be different without Christina Aquilera’s super-low plunging necklines. Christina was born in 1980 to Fausto and Shelly Aguilera. Fausto and Shelly met while both attending BYU. They later divorced when Christina was seven years old. It is not clear whether Christina was ever baptized. One thing we do know, she is not a member now and has probably never heard of the “For the Strength of Youth” suggested dress guidelines.

Don’t you think TV sitcom star Roseanne would have made the best Relief Society president? As long as she was never asked to sing a solo of any of the hymns. Comedian Roseanne was born to a Jewish family in Salt Lake City, but from the time she was 6 until she was 16, she attended Latter-day Saint activities and services. Because of a conflict with her grandmother, she was never baptized. At age 16 she left Utah and the rest is history.

Oh, what could have been. Instead of relying on just a handful of celebrities like Ricky Schroder, Wilford Brimley, Brandon Flowers, and Thurl Bailey to represent the church; Mormons could be known for being THE church for famous people. Besides being really close to baptizing celebrities, we have also lost famous people that were born into the church, but have since gone inactive. Those celebrities include Amy Adams, Katherine Heigl, Ryan Gosling, Paul, Walker, Eliza Dushku, Aaron Eckhart, and Matthew Modine.

Perhaps next month, when the Elder’s Quorum president is teaching a lesson once again guilting the brethren to be doing their home teaching, the time would be better spent teaching the brethren to make sure each is doing his part to make sure that we never lose another celebrity again. Personally, I think we should go after Justin Bieber next. Just think of the number of apples in that seed!

Casey Cummings is the creator of the Mormon urban legend website – www.HolyFetch.com