5 reasons I will never EVER date online.

*Disclaimer: This is very opinionated. Do I think there are some people who can really benefit from online dating? Absolutely. Do I want to be one of those people? I really don’t. Have I already knocked on wood like four times while writing this because I might have just jinxed myself? You bet I have.

1. It’s lame.

Seriously. It’s got a horrible social stigma that I just don’t want to deal with.  People cringe when it’s brought up or, worse, suggested. You awkwardly look away from the TV when those horrible commercials come on. You make “pity faces” when you hear about an old, single friend who has succumbed.
If that’s not enough to keep you offline, keep reading.

2. You have to meet them in person eventually.

You may think you’re safe hiding behind your computer screen but if you get the point that I think you’re hoping to get to — The big M word — then you’re going to have to meet them eventually. You’re just putting off that inevitable, awkward, horrible encounter. Man up and get it over with.

3. You haven’t really exhausted your resources.

I’m not talking to you people who actually have. You know who you are. Just shut your mouth now. I’m talking about those people who SAY they have done everything they possibly can to find their eternal mate. They say they’ve asked all of their friends and family to be set up, but haven’t. They say they’ve gone out of their comfort zone to talk to the opposite sex, but they haven’t. They say they’ve mingled in different social groups, they haven’t. One time (unlike sex, drugs, and rock and roll) doesn’t count here folks. You’re just lazy, and an online dating profile isn’t going to change that. It’s going to perpetuate the problem.

4. You’ve got better things to do.

Have you met someone who is like, “Oh my gosh. I can’t wait to meet a girl/guy who has been sitting around waiting for me for the last five years!”
No you haven’t, because those people don’t exist. You don’t want to get hitched to someone who hasn’t been bettering themselves or broadening their horizons before you came into their life.
If that’s what’s you’re looking for, that’s what you have to be. Instead of sitting at your computer looking at profile pictures that are probably doctored beyond the point of recognition, go play with some kittens at an animal shelter. Learn a language, burn something in the oven, build something out of corks (that you bought, not from the bottles of wine you drank, obvs). ANYTHING!

While you’re busy making yourself more awesome, you may even find yourself in the presence of new people who, WHAMMY, you could date.

Duh.

5. I believe in divine intervention.

I believe that God has a plan for you, and for me. He will somehow guide you in someway that will allow your path to be intertwined with that special someone.

(I guess with that logic, your path could lead you to online dating…  If so disregard that last four reasons not to date online and get to typing up that profile! Don’t forget “pet lover,” and “long walks on the beach.”)

The key, as I’m sure you’ve learned from Sunday School, is that God isn’t going to help the helpless. So get to work and engage in reality. You’ve already been online long enough reading this.