With General Conference this past weekend, I thought this would be a good time to start discussing some things we can do to be a little more mindful of our fellow church members.
If you have any to add, please do. Be they funny, serious, or maybe long overdue (and by that I mean offensive).
Here’s the ones I have thought of in the past few weeks:
1. No #2 during the first hour of the three hour block.
Because everyone smells it the next two hours…
2. Call before you visit a new mom. (someone who has had a baby in the last week)
Because modesty goes out the window when she’s healing and trying to take care of the new little life. If you show up without calling first, you may find her half dressed wearing her hot pants from her cheerleading days
(5 years prior) and just her garment top… please call first or else you may see more of that new mom than you want to see…
3. Don’t drink a slurpee in sacrament meeting.
You’d think this one goes without saying… but I’ve seen a few church members sneak in a gas station drink on Sundays. That or reading the Sunday ads. Folks, your either there to renew covenants or you need to be somewhere else enjoying a gas station beverage and looking for good deals.
*Also: If you need to go out during speakers in sacrament meeting, try to wait until a speaker is done or the sacrament is done, or a musical number is done. It’s rude to get up when people are talking or performing a number.
4. Elder’s Quorum can help you move, but they’re not some sort of moving party planners.
Do you expect them to pack for you? Bring tape and moving blankets and a dolly? Do you want them to bring a 50 foot ladder and pull down your Christmas lights?
No. No. No. EQ shows up, hauls boxes and goes home to take care of their families.
If you need help packing, call your friends, family, and if you’re desperate, the Relief Society.
But don’t expect the EQ to do anything more than haul boxes.
5. If you touch two pieces of bread, don’t leave one on the tray.
Yes, I did this once, back in 2008. I grabbed one piece of bread from the tray, and it was stuck to a second one ever so slightly. In a split second decision, I finished splitting the two apart and put the second one back on the tray. To which my husband loudly exclaimed,”THAT IS DISGUSTING.”
Learn from my error folks. Just eat the second piece of bread.
6. Kids should not peep into the Mother’s Lounge
Parents- teach your kids to not be peepers. It’s creepy and awkward.
Also- to the two old woman in the other ward that meets in my building: Stop eating your yogurt in the Mother’s Lounge. It’s a room to feed babies, not a place for you to brunch on Yoplait Sundays at 11.
7. Pew Saving and Pew Stealing.
This one is a double edged sword- really we shouldn’t be so particular about where we sit in the chapel. However, if you know a family has a particular spot- don’t be the anti-establishment ward member that makes them move.
ADDITIONALLY: don’t sit int he handicap pew unless you need it!
8. The inappropriate questions we just can’t stop asking people: Kids, fertility, family planning, and pregnancy.
Standing in the foyer or hallway of the church building in-between meeting or at a ward activity is an awkward place to discuss something so personal. While most folks shrug it off and answer something simple, if you wanted to know the truth, this is what might be said (things I’ve heard from VT sisters or close church friends in a much more personal setting than a brief church encounter):
-I’ve had 4 miscarriages, but I have an entire nursery ready to go.
– I am manic-depressive and bipolar. My doctor wants me to be stable on my meds before I get pregnant.
-I was raped and I am terrified to have kids of my own.
-I’m adjusting to being a stepmom
-I am trying to have kids. We’ve been trying for a year. I can’t tell you when it’s going to work for us.
2011 lunch with my visiting teaching pals (and personal friends too). This is where you talk about pregnancy/fertility. Not in a 5 minute conversation in the hallway of the church building.
Ultimately we need to avoid getting to casual in our church participation and to not be sloppy and disrespectful when we talk to each other.
A little respect, a little courtesy, a little kindness can help everyone feel comfortable at church.
So make a resolve to not be a casual, sloppy church member when regular meeting resume the second weekend in April.
How about if I’m in nursery with your kids, you go to Sunday school/RS and EQ. I hate when I’m in the nursery watching someone else’s kids and they are sitting in the foyer playing on their cell phone or talking to friends. If you don’t want to go listen to a lesson then come sit in the nursery with your kid while I go to class.
My wife and I cannot have kids. And we are sure if we are extremely sad about that. But I prefer not to have to discuss it. So I have learned if I give them an “uncomfortable answer” most members stop asking. So instead explaining that I am the one who has the physical problem with fertility. I answer “my boys can’t swim”. That response usually makes the asker uncomfortable enought the question end there.
This one may fall under the Long Overdue category, but here we go. One that has bothered me for basically my entire life is this: When your meeting block is over and you are gathering your family to leave, PLEASE be polite and considerate of those who are still having their meetings and classes and sacrament. I cannot tell you how disruptive and frankly offensive it is to be listening to a heartfelt and lovely talk or testimony or musical performance and suddenly the foyer (which is where I sit a lot with my sleeping baby) is erupting like it’s a social club and nobody seems to have awareness outside of themselves to see that it is rude and affecting others negatively. This always drowns-out the sounds of the sacrament meeting (or class) and prevents others from being able to learn and absorb lessons or words that may be of great comfort or utility to them. I remember being at my best friends’ homecoming meeting and having to stay in the foyer while I bounced my fussy baby on my hip. I was trying to listen to her stories from her mission, but the last thing I was able to hear before a large group of RS sisters from the other ward gathered and started clucking away loudly was her salutation to the congregation in Spanish. I stood directly under the speaker in an effort to hear, but it didn’t help. It must have been nice when you ladies got to have your entire sacrament meeting uninterrupted by this sort of malarkey. If you MUST catch up please do it outside, or call, or visit each other later when it is convenient for everyone.
On this same note, please help your children understand that while they are in the Lord’s house, they are to be reverent and speak softly and not run around screaming when the block is over. I know that it is difficult to wrangle and teach smaller children, but it can be done. Most of the time that I see this happening, the responsible parents are too busy talking about so-and-so’s new boat or the trip they all plan to take next week to grandma’s, or BYU football…whatever it is, it can wait for the appropriate venue and atmosphere. I remember being taught at a very young age that no matter what the day was or the setting, if we were in the church, we were polite and mindful of the spiritual nature of the Lord’s house and respectful of others’ right to have a pleasant and spiritual experience while they were there. *phew* End rant.
Not on the list. I get really steamed when I have to go out into the foyer with my kid and turn the volume up on the speaker so I can sit there and listen to the talk, and then the other ward gets out and everyone stands there in front of me chatting it up with each other BLAH, BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH!!!!!!!!! not paying any attention to the fact that I am still “in” sacrament meeting!