Dear Sisters of Sex –
If I’m a 33 year old female and have never been sexually active but use tampons, what is the likelihood that it will hurt me to have sex for the first time?
Sincerely,
Virgin and wondering
Dear Virgin and Wondering,
This is a great question and a question we get often. It is normal for women who have never been sexually active to potentially have some discomfort the first time they have intercourse, even if they have used tampons. While tampons may have helped with familiarity of having something inside your vagina, a penis is generally going to bigger than a tampon — even if it is a super-sized one. Additionally, there isn’t movement with a tampon.
However, there are several things you can do to help ease yourself into sexual activity once you take that step.
First, if you haven’t been regularly going to an OB/GYN or midwife, that’s a good place to start. Sexually active or not, it’s important for a woman to be checked annually for a variety of reasons, but it can also be helpful to ease any concerns you may have regarding your pelvic health and anatomy. If by chance your vagina is tighter than normal, your OB/GYN can provide you with Medical Dilators. These progressively loosen your vaginal muscles making intercourse easier.
Second, when you are actually ready to have sex for the first time, make sure you have lubrication. Both of you can use lube to make the experience a bit…smoother. You can get a simple water based lubrication on Amazon, at your local grocery store or even at 7-11. You want to make sure you stay away from any “candy” or “novelty” lubrication. That type of lubrication is intended for external use only and if used internally, it can cause a yeast infection.
Third is to remember to breathe. Often when anticipating something that could be potentially uncomfortable or which may cause us anxiety, we hold our breath or tighten our body muscles. This can create greater discomfort because your body is now tense. Practice some breathing exercises so you can stay relaxed and calm when the big moment happens.
Fourth, communication is imperative. If something hurts or is even uncomfortable, let your partner know. They are being intimate with you because they love you and wouldn’t want you to endure a painful experience out of fear of hurting their feelings or not “knowing how to have sex.”
Lastly, is consider being on top rather than the bottom. While it may seem more normal or natural to be on bottom, being on top allows you to control how fast or slow, how deep or shallow, and to control the rhythm which can ease anxiety and tension knowing you are in the driver’s seat.
XO- Kristin and Alisha
The Sisters of Sex
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Who are the Sisters of Sex (formally known as The Mormon Sex Girls)? Our names are Kristin and Alisha and we are known as The Sisters of Sex. We are co-authors of newly published book “Real Intimacy: A Couple’s Guide to Genuine, Healthy Sexuality” and we are in the process of writing our second book, ‘Yes! You Can Talk To Your Kids About Sex available in 2015. Kristin is a Sex Therapist and Alisha is a sex and intimacy coach. The best part is we are sisters and not just sisters in the gospel, but literal sisters. Our goal and mission is to start having conversations about sex and intimacy in our culture so we can have healthier and happier relationships. Intimacy is an important part of that. We accomplish this in a variety of ways through workshops, therapy, coaching, radio and television but we also answer real questions from real people to help where they feel stuck.
Send us your questions and we’ll give you answers. You maintain complete confidentiality, so your identify is safe with us. You can find us at realintimacybook.com, thehealinggroup.com or email: sistersofsex@gmail.com