If you’re reading this, you probably care about Mormonism as both a religion and a culture. And much like any other group of people, we have “in-house” disagreements with one another as well as disagreements with others in “out-groups.”

Not saying it’s “us” against “them.” Just saying that sometimes Mormons have disagreements with nonmormons on different topics.

The problem is, whenever there are two groups of people who disagree, there is bound to be some friction. This friction seems to grow exponentially in online conversations.

I thought it’d be good to jot down some general rules about internet conduct when discussing religion. I think if we all try abiding by these rules then we’ll have much more productive conversations about religion online, both within and outside our own communities.

Rules For Being Civil Online

1. Be clear and concise.

I’m the worst with directions. I’ve been living in Provo for over two years now and still need the GPS in order to navigate through the city.

Sometimes there will be someone else in the car with me and they will give me directions instead of the GPS on my phone. This can be helpful at times and other times it’s just THE WORST.

Something I wish people would realize is, it doesn’t matter how much you do or don’t say when giving directions. What matters is that what you say makes sense. You can say “turn left up there,” or “when we past this light you’ll see this big park with a boulder thing in the middle where high school kids generally have rallies and what-not. You don’t want to make an immediate left there but you’ll need to turn left a little after there.”

Both of these suggestions are equally useless.

The best ways to give people directions is to be clear and concise; “Turn left on 300 North.”

The same goes with online discussions about religion. Not clearly explaining what you want to say is not going to help anyone better understand the point you’re trying to make.

If you’re going to quote a religious leader or a scripture, make sure you explain why you’re quoting the person. If you want to bring up a specific concern about something the other person said, make sure you’re clear what part of their last comment you’re addressing.

Some conversations are too complex for emojis and Facebook comment sections. If the conversation you’re having is too complex for the medium you’re using to communicate, then maybe you should have a face to face conversation instead.

2. Don’t misrepresent what others say

Language is an interesting thing.

Some words used to be very commonly used and have, over time, changed in meaning.

Literally used to mean literally. Now it means both literally AND figuratively.

Really. Look it up.

Some languages have words for ideas that don’t exist in other languages.

In Spanish there is a verb “andar” which roughly translates to “to walk with,” but it doesn’t necessarily mean to walk with a person. You can “andar” with a cellphone, with a limp or with a variety of other things. It’s as if you took the words walk, have, and owned and smooshed them into one word.

Words mean different things to different people. And because of that, things do not always translate correctly from one to another online.

It’s important to recognize that when someone says something online about religion, that they’re trying to say something very specific.

If you’re unsure about what they are saying, make sure to ask them before making assumptions.

If someone says, “I don’t believe Joseph Smith was a Prophet,” that’d be a pretty clear statement which doesn’t need much clarification. However, if one said something like “I’m concerned about how Joseph Smith used a hat and a stone to translate the Book of Mormon,” then that statement is a little less clear.

That last statement makes no claims about whether or not Joseph was a Prophet. It makes no claim to the veracity of the Book of Mormon or the Church. It could mean that or it could just be a concern about this one bit of Mormon history.

You don’t need to give someone the benefit of the doubt when discussing religion online but you don’t need to assume the worst either. If someone makes a comment and you’re confused about what the point of the comment is, ask for clarification before trying to respond.

3. Don’t demonize people

Not all critics of the church are anti-mormons, not all Christians hate LGBT people, not all Muslims are terrorists and not all Mormons are ignorant of their church’s history.

Make sure you’re addressing people correctly and not over-generalizing when you talk to or about them.

There are liberal Mormons.

There are gay Mormons.

There are black Mormons.

There are people with concerns about church history in relation to our truth-claims.

There are people who don’t believe in Mormonism’s truth-claims.

And there are people who have prayed and never received an answer to whether or not the church is true.

So, don’t use sweeping claims in any case. It isn’t acceptable to say that all Mormons despise gay people and it’s not fair to assume that all people who express a doubt are somehow anti-mormon.

4. There is nothing wrong with saying “I don’t know.”

I don’t know why people who follow the Word of Wisdom still get sick and die. I don’t know why some people pray and don’t receive an answer from God. I don’t know why it took so long for God to give black people the Priesthood. I don’t know why polygamy was given the thumbs-up by God at times and wasn’t at other times.

And you don’t know either.

You might think you know, but you probably don’t.

Some people will have questions that we won’t have the answer to.

That’s OK.

People will know when you’re bending over backwards to defend a certain position.

It’s obvious and it looks bad.

5. Name calling is stupid

See what I did there?

Just because someone disagrees with you or an organization you belong to doesn’t make them “ignorant.” It doesn’t make them racist, sexist or whatever other “ist” you want to label them as.

Don’t call people names and don’t allow other people to call you names.

If a discussion has left the realm of reasoning and logic for name-calling and personal attacks, it’d be best just to end the conversation right there.

Trolls are going to troll. And the best cure for troll is to not engage them.

Facebook and many other online forums have this amazing option where you can block people. Really though. Just block them. I have blocked several people from both sides of the religious spectrum. I have blocked certain apologists who take their criticisms of non-apologists way too far and I have blocked critics who take their criticisms too far as well.

Since having blocked these people they no longer can bother me. The same will happen if you block them too.

6. Agree to disagree

I was a Tea Party conservative long before the Tea Party became a recognized political force in the US. Then I changed in some different ways and began to identify as a Libertarian.

In the past year or two that has changed as well. Now I’m, at most, a moderate Republican or, at least, a very opinionated moderate.

There are a couple of things that made my politics change.

The first reason has nothing to do with this post But the second was when I realized that everyone wants the same thing basically.

We all want people to be happy, healthy and safe. Where we disagree is how to go about accomplishing those goals.

Once you realize this, it becomes pretty hard to militantly cling to any one political ideology.

The fact is that we have to agree to disagree at times and we have to learn to live with our differences. Elder Oaks talked about this in his October General Conference talk. We should take his advice by standing for what we believe without being disagreeable.