I work as a web developer for a local company in Utah. That means I have plenty of time sitting in front of a computer with nothing to do but type away in front of a computer screen. Most developers aren’t very chatty so it’s usually dead-silent at work.
To kill the silence I listen to lots of podcasts.
That’s how I first heard of the Cultural Hall.
One podcast I love listening to deals with stories of the “paranormal”.
It’s more of a guilty pleasure than anything.
I love hearing stories about ghosts, possessions, aliens, chem-trails, the Illuminati and other New World Order organizations. I don’t believe in them even remotely but I find them immensely fun to learn about. I think I like these crazy conspiracies because they show me the train-wreck that is certain people’s minds.
I think I should feel bad about it, but I justify this guilty pleasure by saying to myself that it’s ok because my wife likes the Bachelor.
Because of my love for conspiracy theories, I decided to make a short list of several conspiracies that Mormons tell themselves… and I’ll try to quickly debunk them.
1. The End Of the World is Near
First of all, it’s necessary that I add the following disclaimer.
“But of that day and hour knoweth no man, no, not the angels of heaven, but my Father only.” – Matthew 24:36
Obviously no one knows the actual time of the second coming, but there are certain assumptions we can make.
LDS.org provides a list of the various signs of the Second Coming.
The list goes like this.
- Apostasy from gospel truth
- The Restoration of the gospel, including the restoration of the Church of Jesus Christ
- The restoration of priesthood keys
- The coming forth of the Book of Mormon
- The preaching of the gospel throughout the world
- A time of wickedness, war, and turmoil
- Signs in heaven and on the earth
All of those have come to past with exception to the last two.
The “signs” from Heaven seem to be something that will happen right before the Second Coming so those will have to be ignored.
That means we can only judge how close we are to the end by looking at the only sign we can see.
War.
It was something my seminary teacher said many times. “We’re seeing more and more wars every year,” “Surely with all this violence in the world the end is soon.”
Too bad she was wrong.
The fact is, this is the LEAST violent part of human history.
“The present looks less sinister, the past less innocent,” said Harvard Psychologist Steven Pinker in an interview with Scientific American. “The mind always focuses on current threats, and takes for granted the violent events that don’t happen but could easily have happened a few decades ago. A sniper in Norway kills dozens of innocent people—and the population does not riot or lynch the perpetrator and his extended family, but holds candlelight vigils. The Egyptian government falls—but the new one does not vow to push the Israelis into the sea. North Korea sinks a South Korean ship, killing 45 sailors—but instead of escalating to war, the Koreans go back to life as usual. Every day I notice the dogs that don’t bark.
The fact is, it’s the best time to be alive regardless of whether you’re black, white, male, female, gay, straight, religious or atheist.
If increased war is a sign of the Second Coming, then a lot has to dramatically change before we start placing our bets.
2. The World is Against Us
I’ve heard many people in church claim that worldly people somehow can’t stand our beliefs and values.
Much like how conservatives say terrorists hate Americans because of our freedom, many in the church thinks the world hates us because of our morality.
Almost all of our Presidents were some flavor of protestant Christian with exception to John F Kennedy. There is plenty of evidence to indicate that those who did not clearly announce their Christianity were none-the-less Christian.
With 42 protestant presidents, it’d be pretty safe to assume that people would prefer to elect another one of them than a Mormon right?
Wrong.
81% of people said they would vote for a Mormon.
We beat the Evangelicals by 8%.
In politics, that’s nothing to sneeze at.
People also point to Book Of Mormon the Musical as another example of the world mocking us but that doesn’t hold up.
The guys from Southpark love us.
Really, they do.
BOMTM is definitely irreverent but it was also clearly casting the Church in a good light.
Just ask Michael Ballam.
3. The Catholic Church is the “Church of the Devil”
Luckily, you hear about this one way less. But it still comes up.
I remember that one of my companions had this crazy 20-odd page “talk” given at a “Zone Conference” talking about the Catholic Church secretly knowing that the church was true due to hidden documents they kept in the Vatican.
Does this photo from the Mormon Newsroom photo look like President Eyering is befriending some evil man deceiving billions of people?
No. No it doesn’t.
If you want any additional proof, look at what President Hinckley had to say about the Pope when he died.
Everything about that screams that our Church has a great respect for the Catholics.
4. Cain is Big Foot
Even the hyper conservative members of the Church at FAIRMormon think this is silly.
“Why is it that some LDS people give these stories doctrinal credence? Does that not manifest a measure of gullibility,” wrote FairMormon. “Is it only because President Kimball quoted it? They give Cain some kind of quasi-translated status based on the story alone, without question, as if he is some kind of hideous undead creature akin to a vampire or zombie that can appear and attack people physically. Why is no skepticism applied to the story, and to the new folklore that has arisen around it? Wasn’t Cain a son of perdition, a liar from the beginning? Would someone believe claims from Mark Hoffman? Then why should they believe possible words from the mouth of Cain? As far as can be discerned from the folklore account, Elder Patten did not test Cain by shaking his hand to see if he was truly corporeal. What justification would there be to believe the words of a son of perdition? It doesn’t make sense that any good-thinking person would give those claims credence.”
If you want more, then click on the link.
5. Mormons are going to save the Constitution
There is a Constitution but there is no thread from which we have to save it from.
This thread-hanging prediction is known as the “White Horse Prophecy” and it seems like no one really buys into it.
“Authorities of the Church have denounced portions of the account, including President Joseph Fielding Smith in a 1918 General Conference,” reported HolyFetch.com. “Joseph F. Smith and Bruce R. McConkie have also stated that the prophecy should not be trusted as fact. The ‘White Horse Prophecy’ in any of its variant forms, has never been submitted, or even considered, for such a process that would be required to make it canon or binding on the Church membership. Basically, the Church’s stance is that members should not believe the prophecy.”
Again, even the conservative FAIRMormon doesn’t buy it.
“The Church has disavowed any belief in the validity of the so-called White Horse prophecy, and the prophecy’s authenticity is suspicious on numerous historical grounds,” wrote FairMormon.
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