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  1. We need to be mindful of our own depression, anxiety, fear, emotional wounds, and co-dependency, and be willing to heal those, for as long as it takes.  
  2. We need to be willing to identify and heal our addictive behaviors and “bad comforts
  3. We need to have an active awareness of our own core and surface emotions, and be willing to soothe them when triggered, voice them when appropriate….and without barbs, anger, or guilt
  4. We need to be willing to engage in intentional and meaningful emotional vulnerability.  Empathy should become our “currency,” and a daily part of our identity
  5. We need to be able to insist on daily and weekly “self-care,” without guilt for doing it
  6. We need to become “proactive,” and NOT “reactive
  7. Be bold enough to bring up the important things: money/budget, sex, priorities, needs.  We need to be able to identify and express our hopes, needs, and deal-breakers
  8. A partner needs to value our feelings, and honor our healthy needs and boundaries.  A partner should be willing and able to describe their emotions each day, and their personal focus and behaviors when no one is around them.  We need to respect each other’s belief set and life direction
  9. A partner’s internal fears, hurt, sadness, disappointment, loneliness, past wounding, and anxieties should NEVER become our fault, our burden, or used as justification for mistreating us
  10. A partner should be willing to pursue relationship counseling whenever we need it or desire it, without hesitation

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