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Ask The Sex Girls

Dear Mormon Sex Girls

In your City Weekly article, you were asked if oral sex is forbidden by the LDS church. The answer given by you was “no”. There is a letter written by the first presidency that says, ” The first presidency has interpreted oral sex as constituting an unnatural, impure or unholy practice.” How does that not indicate that it is forbidden by the LDS church. I’m confused.

Sincerely,

Orally and Morally Confused

Dear Orally and Morally Confused,

Thank you for this question!  It is so important and relevant and one we get asked often.  For the sake of being on the same page, we have uploaded the actually letter that was written and distributed by the First Presidency in 1982, and is what we assume you are referring to:

Page 1

page 2

We can see how confusion has arisen surrounding this topic. In the original letter the Church stated that (paraphrasing):

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter- Day- Saints formally addressed and, at the time, identified that “”unnatural, impure and unholy” included oral sex within marriage.

However, shortly after that announcement ANOTHER letter was sent which changed the Church’s stance, but the previous statement was never formally rescinded, thus creating the current confusion.Furthermore, you can still find outdated material on LDS.org that has since been superseded by new statements leaving members confused and wondering.

In the current Ecclesiastical Handbook, it says,

“[S]exual relations within marriage are divinely approved not only for the purpose of procreation, but also as a means of expressing love and strengthening emotional and spiritual bonds between husband and wife. [6]

Physical intimacy between husband and wife is beautiful and sacred. It is ordained of God for the creation of children and for the expression of love within marriage. [7]

As part of the LDS Doctrine, we believe in ongoing revelation and changes within our church (as evidenced by the recent announcement by the First Presidency denouncing any teachings that had racial material).

In our book, Real Intimacy: A Couple’s Guide to Genuine, Healthy Sexuality, we talk about your sexual relationship being between you, your spouse and God.  You and your spouse are stewards over your relationship and get the privilege of exercising your sexual agency.  This means you get to grapple with, learn about and communicate what works in your relationship and what does not.  No one else is an expert over your own body and your relationship except for you.  For some this is difficult because sexuality can be both positive are painful pending on the relationship.  It can bring people closer together and serve as a tension filled wedge within the marriage.  For some, having doctrine surround the specific acts one can or cannot do provides a safe boundary and default to reference if one person in the marriage is uncomfortable with an aspect of their sexual relationship.  However, talking about intimacy in a relationship is ultimately what brings us closer and well, intimate.  The most important thing to remember is sexual intimacy should never be in the spirit of coercion, force or abuse.

Thank you so much for your question and the opportunity to further clarify something that is confusing for so many.

Sincerely,

The Mormon Sex Girls

Kristin and Alisha

Send us your questions and we’ll give you answers.  You maintain complete confidentiality so your identity is safe with us.  You can find us at realintimacybook.comthehealinggroup.com, facebook/askthesexgirls or email: askthesexgirls@gmail.com

Wondering who we are? Our names are Kristin and Alisha and we are known as “The Sex Girls.”  We are Co-Authors newly published book, “Real Intimacy: A Couple’sGuide to Genuine, Healthy Sexuality” and working on our second book, “YES! You can talk to your kids about sex.” Kristin is a Sex Therapist and Alisha is a Sex and Intimacy Coach.  The best part about what we do is we are sisters, and not just sisters in the gospel, but literal sisters.  Our goal and mission is to start having real conversations about sex and intimacy in our culture so we can have healthier and happier relationships.  Intimacy is a part of that.  We accomplish this in a variety of ways through workshops, therapy, coaching, radio and television but we also answer real questions from real people who feel stuck or wondering. 

 

 

6 Comments

  • Jill H says:

    Funny how any clarifications were not made as public as the original letter. Still, I’m glad I wasn’t a married person in 1982! Simple: If it is okay with the married couple and it brings them closer (and of course doesn’t bring in additional people to the “fun”), knock yourselves out! No reason to get all squeenky about it!

  • Great comment Kristin and Alisha! I get this question so often too. There are so many ways to address this, and you touched on some. It may also be helpful to point out that the letter was addressed only to priesthood leaders, not to the members. This letter was not to be read to the general membership, so unless a member thought to ask his/her leader, or if a leader decided to share this info, the general membership would have never known, and therefore could not have been accountable.

  • I love this podcast!!! Definitely helps me throughout my day with my unruly husband 😉 He gets really feisty!! Cant let the lord see all that! haha If you use facebook, add me!! I’d love to discuss our sexual escapades if you have any funny stories! Maybe over a glass of wine.

  • Mike says:

    Helping married couples achieve a better sexual relationship is not pornography.

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