5’3”. 112 lbs. 34”, 26”, 36”.
I sometimes take my vitamins. I get regular haircuts and paint my nails. I dress for this century and I always bush my teeth. I don’t, however, have a shiny rock on my left fourth finger.
What’s wrong with me? Nothing.
I used to think something was wrong with me. It’s one of the least desirable qualities of living in the Mormon Bubble. You can be 19-years-old, single and childless, and you feel like something is wrong with you.
Any exposure to the outside world will tell you that is not normal. Your Instagram and Facebook beg to differ; constantly blowing up with hands clasped on a temple doorknob and naked side belly pictures. It’s easy to think — “Maybe I did something wrong?”
Maybe I missed that day in Sunday school? Maybe I’m not as righteous? Maybe I’ll fall into the category of those people who will never have a chance for marriage in this life?
In the last year I’ve learned that the previously mentioned physical characteristics actually mean nothing. (Ugly people get married all the time.)
Do you remember the girls who swore they would never get married? And remember how they were the first ones to get married right out of high school?
I have a theory.
They had accepted their eternal celibacy. They were not resentful of those who got married before them. They didn’t pin wedding dresses and rings onto their “Future” board.
They were perfectly happy on their own.
For people who are single and think they have it all together except for the hunky man they pine for that should be standing next to them — there is something wrong with you.
You haven’t realized yet that it has nothing to do with what you wear. It’s not how good your bikini body is, and it’s not that your dream wedding date is only two months away and you still don’t have a boyfriend.
Then only thing that’s wrong with you is that you haven’t learned to be happy on your own.
After about a year of serious self-reflection, that is what I have come to. Before you ever have a chance of leaving the Singles Realm you must accept your place there and with a cheerful heart.
Does that mean I am no longer single? No. But does it mean I am ready for marriage? Maybe. (But who is actually ready.)
I’m not perfect. I do like to take fish oil so that I have a fancy fishmeal burp. I hate feet and am deathly afraid of tonsilliths. (Don’t look it up.)
Nothing is wrong with me. I’m happy.
I looked it up. Is something wrong with me?
“Then only thing that’s wrong with you is that you haven’t learned to be happy on your own.”
Seriously, seriously profound conclusion for one so young.
Recently one of my good e-friends who is not LDS and probably only knows me (and only electronically) was talking about what she perceived as the LDS church’s “unhealthy focus on marriage.” I got a little defensive, a little riled up. I thought about it all day, and that day just happened to be Sunday. And after a day of thinking, I realized: she’s not wrong. And I think your little blog post here is the antidote.
(Sorry, I meant to say—only knows me as an example of real life Mormonhood.)
I think I may have found the reason you’re single. You listed your physical characteristics and then (refering to them) said “the previously mentioned physical characteristics actually mean nothing. (Ugly people get married all the time.)” thus inferring that you are beautiful and anyone that doesn’t have your physical characteristics is ugly. You, missy, may be stuck-up and self-centered, and that is a huge turn off for guys. Cheerio!:D
Cheerio!
I am the other Mormon anomaly: one who had a long engagement. Once you’ve crossed that threshold and become engaged, you are no longer subject to the scrutiny of why you are single at such an old age of 21. (As a guy, I confess this scrutiny happens only to the women, but I’ve seen it nonetheless.)
Of course, with engagement comes the next judgment: “When are you getting married?” Any response with a date further than six weeks is met with equal disapproval and judgments. Perhaps they think I might want to back out. I’m not committed enough. If we wait too long, maybe we’ll fall victim to pre-marital sex. If I love her so much, why would I want to wait even one more day? It doesn’t take that long to reserve the cultural hall at the Stake Center for the reception!
Girl I love this. You’re so cute! I’m 26 and recently engaged to be married! 🙂
I think Dave is missing the point if this post. But to present a different side to Dave’s claim here, here ya go: she’s saying that whether the above characteristics were good or bad, they don’t matter. Physical things don’t matter, something else does (which is what the post is about). The “ugly people get married all the time” is backing up that statement with proof that physical things don’t matter… & it is funny and true. Come on now. Have a little humor, people. So very profound, Em!
Love you, embaby!
Sounds like me! I always wondered what i was doing wrong or what was wrong with me. I finally came to the realization that I could be happy and single when I turned 25. I ended up getting married 5 months later. I wish I had let myself be happier in the six years I spent single a living in Provo. Now I am so grateful that I didn’t get married so early.
I really appreciated the spirit of this post. Our neurotic focus on validation through benchmarks like marriage, children, or anything else have a huge negative effect: they make us perpetually unhappy in the “now”.
I’ve come to find that most decent people have a sixth sense for neediness, and it makes them avoid relationships with people who would likely use them to prove to themselves they’re good enough. A relationship isn’t about making you feel good enough.
Obviously, there are tons of people who’ve gotten married and it hasn’t made their life wonderful. There are tons of people with an ostensibly perfect family, but who still feel that nagging feeling that they’re not whole. What we ought to focus on is actually confronting and dealing with that feeling rather than simple trying to mask it through relationships.
You’re pretty cute! I’d love to meet ya!!
Thanks for sharing. The problem that these women have is that they believe there is something wrong with them. As a result, they inadvertently send an invisible frequency of self sabotage which feeds into the delusion there is something wrong with them!
I read some good advice the other day about making your single life so amazing that the only way you could make it any better is if you invited someone to be a part of it.
It’s a strange tiny world we live in.