February, 2011. As I stood on the steps of the dimly lit house, I remember feeling so many vivid emotions. Bishop hadn’t told me any details about why we had come to visit; only that a new sister in the ward might need a blessing. The weather was mild, almost forgettable but everything else about this night would leave deep impressions on my mind for the months and years ahead. Answering the call to accompany the Bishop on this specific evening would in fact change my eternity, because this sister’s husband had just walked out the door for good.

It is ultimately my desire to uplift the readers with my story as opposed to any other personal motivation that someone might surmise from my sharing of all this. My own reoccurring prayer to God is to be able to expand my influence for good in this world. After being excommunicated I kind of forgot about all of that. When I approached The Cultural Hall Podcast about contributing to the blog I felt deep down that there was something I had experienced that might be of some good to someone. I felt compelled to share. I know I am not an accomplished writer but I do enjoy writing and I hope that sharing my story will motivate me to further hone my craft. I’m discovering now that this blog may very well become a self assigned calling if you will. It has come to mean a great deal to me. Thanks to all who happen across it, and my most heartfelt thanks to any who might have shared these words with another. I have been lifted by so many such as yourselves. And to my beloved ‘Ester’ I love you. Thank you for encouraging me to share our story.

In October, 2011, my wife of almost ten years told me one Sunday afternoon that something had to change. What she was really trying to say was that she was leaving. It wasn’t 12 hours later that I had made us an appointment with a marriage counselor. I would learn only a few weeks later that it would all be in vain.

I fell into the deepest abyss of depression imaginable when she took our little girl and left. I cried for more hours than I can count. I tortured myself over her reasons for leaving because there really was none. I was completely blindsided by her departure. She told me one morning just after we left a therapy session that she was only attending so that she could say that she “tried”.

I lost about 60 lbs over 8 months. I thought about hanging myself in my big empty house almost daily. I would turn my music up until it was deafeningly loud and sit on the couch and stare into the darkness of winter nights. Nothing filled the emptiness of seeing my wife leave with our only child. I was completely despondent. The rest of my family was over 2000 miles away. I literally had no one.

I tried to win her back for 9 months. I asked her out on dates. I set goals. I got in better shape. I tried to fix up the house. I admitted that I had done everything wrong and that all I wanted to do was to be a forever family like we had promised. But everything I did made no difference. The truth is, she told me in October what she had been planning to tell me for several months. I never had a chance.

I was served papers in April. The grounds for divorce were 12 months separation. I waited until the day before court to hire an attorney. I still couldn’t believe that I was defending myself against my own wife.

I worked at night and had the privilege of keeping my daughter during the daytime hours while my soon to be ex wife worked. Our daughter was 3. Surprisingly many of the sisters in the ward reached out to me and soon I found myself on play dates and at princess birthday parties and trips to the city park to play at the water fountain! It was welcomed fellowship for an otherwise depressed and mostly single guy. It was during these occasions that I became acquainted with my “Ester.”

Ester, was a genuine friend and support from the beginning. In fact she encouraged me to make amends with my wife and offered to help however she could. It was obvious that she sensed my loss and hoped for me that things would work out. Of course she knew what I was going through because I was there in February of the previous year, at her own house, the night that her husband left.

Over subsequent months we began to talk more, we went out more, and she quickly became my confidant and dear friend, and more, as closeness and familiarity gave way to courting and romance. When my wife caught rumors of our friendship she told me that I should date “Ester”, that she was a good mom and a good person. I was happy to hear that my wife and I finally agreed on something.

After her divorce was final in September 2011, Ester was given a chance to live rent free in a beautiful house that some friends of hers had for sale. The house wasn’t selling in a slow market so the owners instead allowed her to move in for as long as she needed. It was a miracle for Ester who had just received her last eviction notice on her previous house. Since her husband had left she was unable to pay the lease. Unfortunately her tenure in the new house wouldn’t last long enough either as her friends chose to list the house again for sale. Instead of having the pressure of an impromptu move once again she opted instead to move back to her childhood home, against her better judgment, to stay with her parents.

September, 2012. The move back home was doomed from day 1 for Ester. Her Father had been diagnosed with Lewy body dementia and Parkinson’s, and her relationship with her mother had always been rife with challenges. It really was the last thing she wanted to do. One morning Ester was attempting to get her frustrated and anxious kindergartner ready for school and amongst the chaos ended up having a head on parenting collision with her overly sensitive mother. Heartbroken and sobbing she called me and said ‘I can’t live there anymore. What am I going to do?’

Esther and her girls spent the next few nights homeless and completely unsure of what to do. We turned to prayer and to our trusted friend and Bishop. I knew that moving her into my house was the absolute last resort. But I petitioned the Bishop on the matter regardless. He said that I could move out, and that she could move in. The counsel was exactly what I wanted to hear but absolutely against all logic. I had a court date set for my divorce mere weeks away, and what would my lawyer say?

A few weeks later Ester and I arrived at church together as we had done a few times before. Once sacrament meeting ended everyone began to mill around, socializing, and shuffling their way towards the back of the room. A moment later I found myself face to face, in a tight crowd of members, with my almost ex wife who loudly and angrily stabbed a finger in my face and said ‘YOU’RE HAVING AN AFFAIR! YOU’RE AN ADULTERER!’ Horrified and embarrassed I shot a dismissing statement back at her and hurriedly retreated to my car, while she was being ushered out by her mother and a couple members of the ward. I was shocked, astonished and hurt simultaneously, it was true though. Ester and I had been sleeping together. Factually I was staying with an acquaintance who lived a couple miles away but that had not kept us safe from temptation. We were very much in love and planning ourselves to marry once my divorce was settled.

I never felt in my heart that I was an adulterer, but on the day of court my ex wife petitioned to have the grounds for divorce changed from 12 months separation to adultery. I was past breaking at that point. I was completely void of fight after the hardest year of my life and I conceded to her motion. I was an adulterer but it wasn’t the reason for the dissolution of our marriage.

~Not Quite Enos

Next Week: Creating a rock too heavy for even God to lift..