The 10 Kids in Every Nursery
I currently serve as a Primary worker in the nursery of my ward. During my tenure with the young members of the class, I’ve noticed there are a number of unspoken roles that the children assume. I’ve tallied 10 “types” of Nursery-goers, and it’s a sure bet that one (or more) of these personalities is a mainstay in any given Sunday space.
Disclaimer: my sons each, respectively, adopted (and outgrew) each of these roles during their times in the nursery.
The Town Crier
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We’ve all heard this kid. It’s the 18-month-old who is away from Mom and Dad for the first time, or it’s the 2-year-old that was just told he can’t throw cars at other humans. No matter what, there is always a sweet sound of sobbing coming from the nursery. If the tears last the first hour, it’s tolerable. When weeping and wailing (and subsequent gnashing of teeth) carry into Nursery’s second hour, it’s time to find Mom and Dad.
The Pooper
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We all know the smell. It wafts in slowly and eventually overtakes the entire poorly ventilated room. While it’s not difficult to determine when a dirty diaper is on the premises, pinpointing the source of the stench takes a keen nose, like unto that of a butt-sniffing narc dog. Each week, it’s often the same adorable kid who seems to time his/her bowel movement(s) for exactly 20 minutes after sacrament meeting.
The Quiet One
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As leaders, we tend to learn the names of the busy, energetic kids quickly because we’re always saying their names, reminding them to be reverent, etc. The Quiet One is the kid whose name you say once each week, and you have to wrack your brain to remember it. This child is so quiet, leaders can’t remember if she can speak or if she just communicates through puppy-dog eyes. The Quiet One is one of my favorite kids.
Mama’s Boy
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During the first 6 months of a young man’s time in Nursery, his attachment to his mother becomes seemingly inseparable. This bond is made stronger when the mother is a Sunday School teacher and needs to get to her class quickly. The child’s maternal dependence weakens over time, but their initial strength is such that a Town Crier could be made of your Mama’s Boy.
Sir Eats-A-Lot
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I have no doubt that the scheduling of our Sabbath meetings is made out of necessity to accommodate Sunday worship and family time. It is unfortunate that our church meetings often encroach on lunch time for Nursery children. Luckily the kiddos have snack time, and some compatriots go to town on every bit of cheese, Goldfish cracker, raisin, and banana that the leaders provide. Some kids just gotta eat when the opportunity presents itself.
The Bomb
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What is a Sunday in Nursery without every single toy being spread across the classroom? It’s a General Conference Sunday, that’s what. The shrapnel from this type of mess does not occur as an organized, massive, all-at-once action. The bombardier who reigns this destruction is methodical: take one toy; head to the other end of the room; plant said toy; return to point A and retrieve another toy; repeat the plant-and-abandon process. It’s so stealthy that you never know when the bomb will detonate, and by the time you do notice, it’s already happened.
The Bomb Squad
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After the bomb blasts, it can be a disheartening challenge to know that clean-up is inevitable. Luckily, every nursery is blessed with that one responsible youngster who sees clean-up time as just another opportunity to have fun. Blessed be this child.
The Boxer
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Simon and Garfunkel wrote a song titled “The Boxer”, which has a little comparison to a toddler in church: ” … in his anger and his shame, ‘I am leaving, I am leaving.’ But the fighter still remains.” No, we don’t evict The Boxer from Nursery, but there is usually some Kylo Ren-like protesting after a time-out has been put in place.
(Side note: I find little children punching other little children hilarious. It’s so bad, but it’s so cute.)
The Eleventh Hour
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There was a Sunday not long ago when I found myself taking the last of the toys into the storage room. I was quite shocked when I found one of the nursery kids in said storage room continuing to play with the toys. I have no idea how he snuck in there, but he did not let our schedule disrupt his play time. On other occasions, I have watched as our Bomb Squad cleans up the nursery, all while The Eleventh Hour remains sitting and playing until the toys are pried from his young and tender fingers. Instantaneously, The Eleventh Hour becomes the Town Crier. He comes to his senses soon enough, though.
The Elder
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The age range of the kids in the nursery is 18 months to 3 years. Due to the structure of Primary classes, a 3-year-old remains in Nursery until the end of the calendar year when everyone advances in class. This means that a child who is 4 years old, minus a week, could be classmates with an 18-month-old. This is equivalent to a 40-year-old sharing a class with a 15-year-old. It’s not the worst thing in the world, but the age disparity is obvious. The Elder can often also be The Quiet One. The Elder will read a book in the corner or actually play with dolls, instead of just pushing them down a slide and throwing them across the room. The maturity of The Elder’s toy-playing years has yielded him the sage of Sunday.
And as an honorable mention, let’s discuss The Exhibitionist. It’s nigh unto impossible to ignore a child who strips off layers of clothing as they turn the lights on and off, all while standing on top of the snack table. We have to give the kid props, as it seems that The Exhibitionist was creating an ambient light effect for his own show. (Yep, this one was my kid …)
These kids are awesome! The fact that I can go into detail about their idiosyncrasies is testament that they do memorable (and often hilarious!) things.
Keep these “types” in mind the next time you substitute in the nursery, and take note of how many you find.